Relationships are among the most mysterious, rewarding and frustrating of all human experiences. Both astrology and psychology teach us that nothing that occurs within a relationship is chance - neither its beginning, nor its fluctuations and conflicts, nor its ending. But astrology cannot say whether you are 'fated" to have a good or a bad marriage, or whether you ought to be with a Cancer or a Sagittarius. Your birth horoscope describes what you are like inside, and therefore what kind of patterns, needs and compulsions you are likely to bring into your relationships with others. You cannot become somebody different, or send in your birth horoscope and request a new set of character. But you can be more or less conscious; and you always have the _freedom to took at your own issues, to deal with needs which are your responsibility and not your partner's, and to respond to both joy and pain in creative ways.
The following paragraphs describe your attitudes, needs, and typical patterns in close relationships. 7his description is written about you in terms of your dealings with the man in your life. However, if you are involved in a close relationship with someone of your own sex, you will find that the same attitudes, needs and patterns still apply. Whatever your sexual tastes, you are yourself - and it is your inner nature which ultimately dictates the course of your love-life.
The attractions of the loner
Because you are naturally gregarious and define yourself by the social contacts you make and the group with which you identify, you are intrigued by those who stand alone, who do not seem to be part of any recognisable social stratum and who appear to be sustained by some mysterious inner strength. You draw people out readily with your gift of easy conversation, but ultimately only those whom you can never really know or penetrate will hold your heart and your imagination. A more introverted partner might be an excellent complement to you, for you can offer such a man the warmth of your sunny personality and the kind of friendships, through your own circle of people, which he would find difficult to pursue on his own. In turn, a deeper personality could help you to overcome the fear of emptiness which often drives you compulsively into the company of people, and could teach you to find a sense identity within yourself.
Learning to face your own depths
But you need to be careful not to mask your fear of your own depths with contempt for your partner's apparently antisocial stance; for it is very easy for you to define as strange or abnormal any individual who is not as interested in other people as you are. Because your strengths lie in your ability to deal with people and your identity is defined by your place in the group, you rapidly become uneasy around a person who is silent or not immediately forthcoming with information about himself and his feelings. Perhaps your definitions of normal and healthy are too dependent upon a person's popularity or social success, and upon whether or not he is actively involved in contributing to the wellbeing of society. You need a man who can draw you into the strange inner world of your imagination and your spirit; yet if you wish such a relationship to work, you will need to deal with your antipathy and secret envy toward those who do not immediately share themselves with you. You are unfortunately prone to crashing across your partner's boundaries and prying into his secret thoughts and feelings, if you begin to feel insecure. This of course will only drive him further into withdrawal, which will make you feel even more insecure. Try to develop a sense of yourself apart from the approval and need of others; for then you can begin to understand why your man might choose to be alone rather than believing that he is forced to be because he lacks some essential social grace.
A tendency to excess
Your motto in love is that more is better. This means more romance, more candlelight, more courtly declarations of affection, and, perhaps, more partners. You may justify your profligacy by means of an ideology which says that people should not possess each other, or a spiritual vision which says that you need the right soul-mate, or an aesthetic ideal which tells you that your present companion is not quite perfect. Or you may simply be honest about your love of variety. But you are going to have certain difficulties if you make the decision to commit yourself to one man for a lifetime. It is not that you cannot love; for, if anything, you love to excess, and throw your whole self into it. But you crave adventure too, and you are deeply idealistic about love; and time and familiarity are the enemies of such a romantic spirit. No relationship, however passionate, will automatically remain mysterious and challenging if you do not nurture its unpredictability by frequent holidays and travel with your man, frequent absences from the domestic front with its endless responsibilities, and frequent admonitions to yourself not to take your partner for granted. Otherwise you might be faithful from a sense of honour and idealism, but not from real inclination. It would be better to be honest about your own restlessness, for there are many levels on which your adventurous spirit can be lived out, and some of them can include a stable relationship and do not necessitate deceit and betrayal. But it would be better not to repress this side of yourself, for then you are really asking for trouble. You are more prone than many people to falling in love at first sight, at the wrong time, in the wrong place, and with someone other than the person with whom you came in the door.
Relationship as a source of safety and security
Your deep need of a close and stable relationship ensures that, even if you have interests and activities which occasionally separate you from your partner, you never feel really safe, well and secure until you can "touch base" again. It is almost as though your man is a kind of mirror who reflects back to you your own reality; and without his presence you do not feel as though you exist, Although this dependency upon your loved one is not a negative quality, you may have to accept the fact that it will not necessarily be mutual, for no two people in a relationship have exactly the same needs and requirements, or love in the same way; and you need to learn not to be disappointed or to take personally the occasional withdrawal of your partner. You are sometimes a little paradoxical, in that you like people in general and enjoy having the variety of different friends and interests, but you want your man to be there unconditionally loving and constant whenever your needs make you turn to him. Try not to expect a parent rather than a partner. But any man with whom you become involved ought to value the great importance you give to him, for all people need to be depended upon sometimes; and you are not ashamed to show it.
